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Getting the job done… January 17, 2010

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It can be difficult when a friend gets into a new relationship. Maybe you don’t see them as much, maybe you’re horribly jealous of their newfound happiness, or maybe you miss being the one they tell everything to. Well, with a touch-sensitive pad linked to a Twitter feed, there would be no need to feel out of the loop. You could truly be a fly on the wall in your mate’s relationship. One man has done just that- and yes, it is as over-intrusive and freaky as it sounds.

‘Anon Bestman’ is responsible for newlywedsontjob, a Twitter feed he’s set up to record each and every time his newlywed pals hop into their marital bed to get, well, on t’job.He says his mate “stiched me up something rotten when I was his best man” and that this is his revenge. Well, Anon, I doubt your pal broadcast your sexual relations to the world though, did he?

Either it’s an elaborate hoax or it’s an elaborately put-together system, but either way, followers of newlywedsontjob can track all the details of this unsuspecting couple’s alone time. The duration of each romp is noted, and the ‘frenzy’ of each session is rated from 1 to 10. The lowest the couple have reached so far is 2, and they’re only back from their honeymoon three weeks. Oo-er…

10 to watch on Twitter March 20, 2009

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Jonathan Ross


Ross updates his Twitter page every few minutes, but grudgingly stops every so often when his fatherly duties call. “Am going now to help Honey with her history homework. The Crusades. Haven’t got a bloody clue”.

Barack Obama


Obama’s Twitter page is followed by almost 400,000 users, and he’s returned the favour to 370,000 of those. While it’d be nice to say that the US President loves to sit down and read your Twitter updates, Obama’s page died a feeble death late last year. Since he was elected as the US President in November, Obama’s only Twittered once. Strange, that.

Lily Allen


Another obsessive Twitterer, Allen updates her page twenty or thirty times a day. She steers away from using Twitter to promote her new album though- most of Allen’s posts are totally unrelated to music. “Shit. I’ve just been shown photographic evidence of myself podium dancing last night. God I’m a dick.”



The Popjustice Twitter feed is the little sister of the Popjustice blog. Both are updated frequently. Popjustice (in both forms) should be bookmarked by anyone with an interest in pop music. Or anyone with an interest in slating pop music. “In the post today: Kelly Clarkson album with promotional lollipop that looks like condom. Probably not unintentional.”

Stephen Fry


Fry follows the updates posted by 54,000 other Twitter users, and he constantly updates his own page. His obsession with Twitter is a little unhealthy though- is it necessary to wake his 281,000 followers up at 7.30am to say “Morning Darlings. Happy Sunday”? Fry recently started another Twitter feed with his QI pal Alan Davies called Qikipedia. It’s full of useless facts, like the original QI. But, like QI, it has a certain charm.



The MTV Twitter page is basically an online version of MTV News. It’s updated every hour with stories about Britney, Rihanna and the rest. Most updates are accompanied by a link to videos or articles, which saves Twitter users the effort of trawling the MTV site to find out more about Amy Winehouse’s arrest or the new series of American Idol.

John Cleese


Cleese is surprisingly technologically able for a 69 year old. Aside from his Twitter, he also has a blog (www.cleeseblog.com) to which he regularly adds videos. Cleese’s Twitter feed is worth following for the gems that he comes out with every few hours. “A pet hate is a hate which you nurture as if it were a small animal for which you have great affection”.

Lance Armstrong


Armstrong’s Twitter posts vary between training updates and promotions for his Livestrong charity events. The best part of his Twitter feed is probably the occasional picture of Armstrong and his muscular cycling pals in their skintight gear. Keep them coming, Lance!

Paulo Coelho


Paulo Coelho, author of The Alchemist, has over 10,000 followers on Twitter. Most of his recent updates have included links to extracts from his new book, The Winner Stands Alone, released in Ireland and the UK this week. If you can’t afford to buy the book, Coelho’s Twitter page should be your first stop.

Russell Brand


Brand is fairly new to Twitter, with just a couple of hundred posts so far. He’s definitely one to follow though, as Brand is taking advice from fans via Twitter on what to include in his second autobiography. It’s due out next year- plague Brand with your ideas now, and you never know, they could end up in My Booky Wook 2.

[Appeared in March edition of The College View]
Image from here