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SCRAPING THE BARREL #1: I Know Who Killed Me October 17, 2009

Posted by Patrick in Cinematics.
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I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

I’ve always loved watching notoriously bad films but never really found the time or, well, a valid reason to actually sit down and watch them. But now, with no college on Wednesdays and a group of comrades willing to suffer with me, I can finally get around to watching some of the tackiest, most ludicrous and dire hours of my life. I’m hoping that most of them will fall into the ‘so bad it’s good’ category.

Which is certainly true of my first selection for this probably semi-regular column.

The film: I Know Who Killed Me

The plot (or lack thereof) in a nutshell: Young, bright and promising student Aubrey is abducted and tortured by a serial killer. She is found days later in a roadside ditch but wakes up, missing various limbs, with no memory of her previous life. She claims to be Dakota Moss, a character Aubrey created in an English assignment before she was abducted.

What’s it like? I kind of feel sorry for Lindsay Lohan…

Ever since she rose to fame in 2004’s Mean Girls, she hasn’t really done anything notable, or rather anything good, since. Her personal life and her career have taken a nosedive, with the only thing keeping her in the public eye her trainwreck lifestyle.

I’m sure she couldn’t have read the script for I Know Who Killed Me and expected a career resurrection, but on the surface you might think that it could have at least done well at the box office. It claims to be a horror, it’s certainly short on scares. Instead, it beefs up the gore factor and we are subjected to unnecessary, disgusting and unintentionally hilarious scenes of Lohan trying to solve the problem of reattaching her finger, which decayed and fell off while she was in the shower.

If I’ve lost you already, I don’t blame you. Lohan is completely wooden here, either overacting or phoning it in, depending on the scene. I am guessing that she took the role as an excuse to play ‘polar opposite’ characters Aubrey and Dakota, one a student writer and the other a pole dancer with a ‘crack whore’ for a mother. Almost like an adult version of The Parent Trap. With an amputee stripper.

The plot is somewhat hard to follow, since scenes you might have thought would have helped the plot along were never filmed, and those that were are shown in almost random order. Flashbacks contribute little to the story and only serve to confuse.

Oh, and lonelygirl15 also features as one of Aubrey’s friends, but she and another one of the friend characters are done away with early in the film and have no bearing on the plot. Time that could have been spent either mentioning their absence or showing them visiting their friend who has been through hell and back is ditched instead for an amputee sex scene and copious amounts of pole dancing.

Despite the valiant attempts of the film’s director and cinematographer to at least make it visually appealing, the ridiculous plot and script draw away from it. My interest was momentarily piqued by the decision to colour code Aubrey and Dakota, with Aubrey always bathed in blue and Dakota in red, but this becomes old and overused way too early in the film.

Lindsay Lohan and Brian Geraghty in "I Know Who Killed Me"

The mystery becomes far too convoluted by the end of the film to either surprise or satisfy. We’re given no reason for the serial killers crimes, and the choice of the killer’s identity is a bit obvious and shit.

Oh and the title makes absolutely no sense and is completely redundant, because at no point does anyone played by Lohan get killed. Although when the mystery is solved Dakota does say “I know who killed me.” It doesn’t make sense in that context either.

So bad it’s good? If there’s one thing this film has going for it, it’s that it is perfect material for a cult following. You can’t help but laugh when Dakota has to plug in her prosthetic leg to charge every night. The over-long pole dance scenes have a few funny moments too, such as when Dakota takes a cigarette from a customer’s mouth, smokes it, rubs it on her thigh and hands it back. He sniffs it. Tack at its height. But mildly enjoyable tack. (And do note that one of the DVD extras is an ‘Extended Pole Dance Sequence’ in case you didn’t have enough in the film itself.) Definitely so bad it’s good.

Don’t just take my word for it!
The comments of my fellow sufferers

  • Olivia – “It was basically just a series of bizarre unrelated scenes which make me question why we were actually watching this film, but then they showed another 5 minute long pole dancing clip and it was all worth it.”
  • Tara – “What can I say? I LOVED IT. The existentialism used was amazing. A real out of body experience one might say. The way they used the defining colours to describe Aubrey and her alter ego/twin Dakota was beautifully portrayed. For example, in the strip club where Dakota always had red clothes on, whereas Aubrey was always given blue roses or quite often wore the colour blue. The plot was nicely structured with a fascinating riddle at its centre. This truly is one of those films I’ll be taking to my grave with me. Massive props to the director.”
  • Orla – “Em, a movie, which you can only assume was directed by a 9 year old, fascinated by the colours blue and red. I Know Who Killed Me is an awful movie, with an awful cast and a cringeful script. Never again.”
  • Maggie

Standout quotes:

  • “Do I look like I’m in a fucking coma?”
  • “People get cut. That’s life.”
  • “How the fuck would you feel? Fingers, leg, hand – GONE!”

Curious? View the trailer…

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